I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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