i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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