you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
