she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
