I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
