my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
