Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
