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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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