I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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