this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
