i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
