How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
