First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
