imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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