btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She's the barista slut.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
