Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just threw up on my dentist
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
