we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
