The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
