I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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