so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
