i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
