the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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