From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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