I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
