you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
