no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
