i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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