she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
