a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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