Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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