just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
