So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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