very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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