I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
