dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
