I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
