its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
