Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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