I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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