i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
