Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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