It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
