dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
