He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
