I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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