Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
last night I used snow as a chaser
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
