He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I don't deserve a penis
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
