I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
