Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so let's talk penis.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
