I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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