So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You can't motorboat a personality
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
