and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she told me i tasted like america
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
