I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
