$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
