I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
