people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
